I remember the day I got my first Apple Watch. The exact day. Because I had been looking forward to it for months; saving, picturing all of the fitness challenges I would undertake, the goals I could achieve. And I have worn it every day since – for the past 7 years. Here’s what led me to take it off for good, and what I noticed right away:
As I write this, I still have a glaring reminder of what my dermatologist scolds me for at my skin cancer screening each year – the watch shaped “tattoo” in the form of virgin white skin that hasn’t seen a shred of sun in s e v e n years. I’m sure the southern sunshine will take care of that soon, but in the meantime, tell me if you identify with any of these feelings:
- Upon waking, before even going to the bathroom, I’d slip on my watch because I wanted “credit” for the stand hour and early wake up.
- On road trips or sick days I would still force myself to move because I didn’t want to miss the monthly challenge I was participating in.
- I found myself incessantly looking at my watch for my move updates (or texts, notifications and reminders) throughout the day.
- And on that note, I would feel constantly distracted whilst driving, talking with friends, at work – unable to ignore the tug imploring me to peek at what the buzz was signaling.
- I would check my stats before going to bed, often experiencing guilt on days my steps weren’t high enough, or my calories burned were too low.
I realize almost all of the above speak to my type-A perfectionist personality. Also that many of the behaviors discussed are not “normal” and could be triggering for some. Truth be told, they became pretty triggering for me too, hence, why I finally called it quits.
Did you know that every time a wearable calls your attention to it, it’s putting us on a dopamine rollercoaster? According to Dr. Anna Lembke (Psychiatrist, Professor of Addiction at Stanford, and author of Dopamine Nation), “Any time we enumerate something, or give it a number, we increase the risk of addiction. Dopamine appears very sensitive to numbers, rankings, and other quantitative measures,” Dr. Lembke explains. ”Whether it’s tracking exercises by distance, time, and heart rate or tracking calories or weight, giving a specific behavior a number seems to increase the risk of focusing on that number and using it as a benchmark against some ideal number we’re working toward.”
When goal setting stems from a healthy, balanced perspective, the process of benchmarks and tracking can be extremely useful to achieving the goal you’re after. But as Dr. Lembke tells us, dopamine thrives off this kind of behavior. I was on the rollercoaster ride and decided it was (finally) time to hit the eject button: I needed a dopamine detox. So, cold turkey, I took off my watch more than six weeks ago. Here’s what happened in the weeks to follow:
Worry that I wasn’t moving as much as I was before, especially with long stretches at the computer and no alert to stand before the hour was up.
Feeling like I was missing something – a message, an alert, the push to do more.
That underlying nag of Does this workout even count?
Constant phantom checking; it was as if I could still feel the vibration on my wrist.
Around the one month mark, I finally noticed a shift for the positive:
It was nice to miss a text message here and there. I felt like I could truly detach if I wanted to leave my phone in another room without an unconscious pull to scroll social media or be “on” for the next person demanding my attention via email, text, or call.
My workouts did indeed count, but in a more meaningful capacity. Our town has hot air balloons grace the skies every weekend. A month ago I would have admired them as I quickly raced by, as I always do, not wanting my pace to drop. But I realized how much I had been missing out on all along on the morning where I actually stopped and sat on a bench with my dog, watching the balloons blow past, and soaking in that glorious morning light. I sat on a bench! My competitive nature (and friend circle rings competition) would never have allowed that beautiful break.
It’s not all balloons and butterflies without the watch though, I’ll be honest with you. I grew dependent on the notifications after seven years of use, and people knew they could count on me for a quick response time. My husband is probably the most annoyed of all of them, oftentimes blaming the (lack of the) watch for being stuck outside of our locked house for an hour while I was blissfully unaware vacuuming inside with a podcast in my earbuds. Or that delicious dopamine boost from the shimmer of colors when you close all your rings at night, oh how I miss that little pat on the back. But you learn to give it to yourself in a different way. Get more in tune with your body, your rhythm, when you need to push harder, and when you need to stop on the bench and breathe in the beauty of the day.
If you’ve been feeling the nudge for a fitness tracker detox, I implore you to give it a try. There’s a joy in not needing to know all of your stats, and be reachable in all of the ways. Plus, you can always put it back on after a nice few weeks of peace, or if you’re like me, you lock it away in your kid’s treasure chest and forget the combination.
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